I have not been online very much in the last month.
Mostly because of one very catastrophic accident that shook my world.
August 20 I recevied a call that a very dear friend was involved ina motorcycle accident.
This friend and her partner once lived here, had moved and she was visiting and partly showing off her 50th birthday gift to herself. Her 150 edition Harley. She has always been a motorcyle rider and always free and happy about riding.
We had dinner and lunch when she was here. She left to visit family in for a week after leaving and then home to Colorado. I had talked with her that day, not two hours after the call that there had been an accident. She was in critical condition, in a coma, from a broadsided hit from a guy that ran a stop sign.
You see she did not wear a helmet, never did. No mater how much I asked why in this day and age she refused.
One month and eight days later she is still in the hosital, semi coma, multiple fractures to the face, head, hip, arms.
Her partner has been by her side willing her to wake up. Speak, move the left sde of her body which she has not been able to move.
One helmet could have stopped all the pain and worry.
- Mood:
sad
I compimented her on her honesty. Not everyone can make that kind of statement boldly and with complete abandonment of judgement.
So much is put into the gravity of relationships these days. No one wants to be alone.
It did make me examine my own very fragile relationship style.
In the 52 years of my life, I can only boast of a long term relationship in the amount of 5 years. After that they fizzle. Also during those years I too recall loosing myself to the other person, getting fat, becoming dicontent.
After all when we first met, she was all over me, now I can't get a rise out of her for almost a year.
Little things irritate me. Like why is it she can never fold a towel after use. It always remains crumbled on the counter.
And what is it about making up a bed? Wrinkles can be removed, food in the dish strainer can be put in the trash. What is wrong with her vision. Can she not see the mess on the kitchen floor from her 2 am cooking of fried hot dogs?
So I began thinking of why I put myself through this agony. If things go better for me when I am alone, why do look for companionship? What is the big deal.
I am beginning to wonder what is wrong with me that I can not just live comfortably with myself, be happy with just me. Some people just were not meant to be with others. The energy taken can be too much. If not enough is given back it can be a bad thing.
So single women who don't want to be in a relationship......what is it we need to be content?
I am making a list.
I need someone to go shopping with to help with second opinions.
I need someone to be here when there is an early morning delivery.
I need a second set of hands to fix the ceiling fan.
I need a cuddle buddy every now and then.
I need someone to travel with, just to make the trip more fun and sharing.
I need someone to have pajama parties with.
Ok the list is growing........but what do you need?
And if you had a choice of getting that from a relationship or just another person you know.....what would you rather have?
- Mood:
curious
What is this world coming to?
Did I have the gaul to hear on the evening news that several major airlines are now charging for softdrinks. And they have the nerve to raise the booze price.
Now I have to tell you, I am not a frequent flyer, but I do enjoy an ocassional trip back home to Philly or to San Francisco, or Seattle, or .......oh yes an ocassional trip.
When flying to those states, you wait in the crowded airport, buy the expensive food, and overpriced drinks before boarding. So after boarding the plane it is an easy relief to be able to enjoy the freebie, 5 peanut bag of peanuts and freebie softdrink.
Come on guys, I mean is it not enough that we are just one person on a flight which in some cases is priced well over $400?
While I am on the subject what about this $25.00 per checked bag fee.
I can see charging someone for two or three checked bags, but for one bag? Come on.......people.
We just skip along and allow major corporations to stick us up the rear when ever they feel like it.
I say let's boycott the airlines who have raised their prices in such a middle finger to the public attitude. Scream, show your outrage. American people are too passive.when it comes to what corporations do to us. We don't voice our opinions. I'm not talking about destructive behavior. I am talking about massive writing campaigns, picket lines.
We at one time acted like we cared, but now I think we have become too compacent, to caught up in American Idol, reality TV to take the steps that made America the America it could be.
My favorite Southwest commercial where they are making joke about what airlines are charging for is my favorite.
Pretty soon they will be putting pay toilets on the planes.
Mark my words. I know that memo has gone across someone's desk.
It is just a matter of time.
- Mood:
annoyed
Do I rent funny movies and invite her over? Is it appropriate for the situation?
What does one talk about, when the world as they know it is crashing down around her.
I am sorry for your mother's health does not seem the heartfelt words of compassion I want to show her. It seems empty, shallow, not full of genuine belief. I thought this would be easy, but it is hard to muster the courage to even talk about it, It being cancer, even in someone else. I stumble over the word like it contained the disease from my mouth.
Do I ask if she wants to go for a hike knowing all the while where her mind is. Waiting for the phone call that signals the end. Just our luck we would be on a long path to nowhere.
Just when I realized that it was not about denying, or covering up, I listened and held her while she cried and listened to the ranting and anger and tears and hurt and uncertainty.
I listened and in that moment I realized the fear was my own. The certainty of death is my own and the face in the bed staring back will be me one day.
So I that is why it is important to live each day like it is my last. To know that the decisions I make at this moment will affect me for the rest of my lives.
So I chant........Nam myoho renge kyo from my life....
- Mood:
relieved
